Ever heard of a guy who turns giant produce into a seafaring vessel? Meet Gary Kristensen, the ultimate pumpkin pioneer who’s basically rewriting maritime history one gourd at a time.

The Great Pumpkin Voyage

In a feat that would make most people say “what the actual squash?”, Kristensen has not just sailed a pumpkin down the Columbia River once, but twice - and each time, he’s broken his own Guinness World Record. In 2024, he paddled 45.67 miles in a massive carved-out pumpkin. But was that enough? Absolutely not.

Marchflower: The Sequel

This year, Kristensen upped his game with the “Marchflower” - a sleeker, 300-pounds-lighter pumpkin boat named as a cheeky nod to the Mayflower. In May, he navigated 58.57 miles, slashing nearly six hours off his previous time. Talk about pumpkin power!

The Gourd-geous Dream

Kristensen isn’t just doing this for laughs. Since 2011, he’s been growing giant pumpkins and competing in the West Coast Giant Pumpkin Regatta. His goal? To keep pushing boundaries and prove that with determination, even a vegetable can become a vessel.

“I hope to do it again soon,” he says, proving that some dreams are too big to be contained - just like his pumpkins.