In the latest episode of Billionaires and their besties, Donald Trump has declared that any violence against Tesla is now domestic terrorism. That’s right, vandalizing a Model Y is apparently on par with, say, an actual terrorist attack. The former (and possibly future?) president promised that anyone caught messing with Tesla will “go through hell”. Because, obviously, the biggest threat to America isn’t climate change, economic inequality, or, you know, actual violence, it’s people being mean to Elon Musk’s car company.

The “Tesla Takedown” Drama

For months, Tesla’s been catching hands, sometimes literally. A growing movement, dubbed “Tesla Takedown,” has been organizing protests outside Tesla stores, urging people to dump their Teslas and Tesla stock. While most of it has been peaceful, some protests have escalated into Molotov cocktail parties, vandalism, and even shootings at Tesla facilities.

The latest headline-grabber? A Colorado dealership got torched with Molotov cocktails and spray-painted with some, uh, choice words about Musk. The suspect, Lucy Grace Nelson, was arrested and is now facing federal charges. Apparently, she lives with her mom and calls herself a “baby,” which, honestly, feels like a lot to unpack.

Elon & Trump: A Bromance for the Ages

Of course, Elon Musk, Tesla’s CEO-slash-Twitter-sh*tposter-in-chief, is very much on board with Trump’s hardline stance. Musk, who has somehow positioned himself as both an anti-establishment renegade and a billionaire with major government ties, has been at the center of political controversy for years. Now, as a key Trump adviser, he’s getting even cozier with the former president.

In a show of just how deep their bromance runs, Trump even showed up at a Tesla facility this week, personally picking out a new Tesla for his staff to drive. This from the guy who once mocked electric vehicles as a left-wing conspiracy. Growth? Hypocrisy? Who’s to say!

Is This Really About “Terrorism”?

Labeling property damage as domestic terrorism is a bold move, considering how actual white nationalist violence often gets brushed under the rug. But sure, go off, Don. It’s giving “selective outrage”. The real question: Is Tesla being targeted because of Musk’s politics, or is this just what happens when your CEO spends more time trolling on Twitter than running a company?

At the end of the day, Trump’s “Tesla Protection Act” is just another example of billionaires looking out for each other, because nothing screams populism like criminalizing anti-corporate protests while doing absolutely nothing about, say, housing crises or actual threats to democracy.

So, will Tesla-haters back off now that Daddy Trump is stepping in? Doubtful. But one thing’s for sure, Musk’s fanboys are going to be insufferable about this.