In a showdown that’s hotter than a San Francisco summer, the U.S. Department of Justice has thrown Google under the bus, again. This time, they want the tech giant to sell off its beloved Chrome browser as part of an antitrust remedy that feels like a scene straight out of a dystopian thriller.

Last Friday, the DOJ filed its final proposal, demanding that Google “promptly and fully divest Chrome”. Because, honestly, who wouldn’t want to untangle a web browser from the clutches of a trillion-dollar behemoth? The DOJ claims Google has turned into an economic goliath, cramming its search engine down consumers’ throats while turning the marketplace into a one-horse show that leaves competitors gasping for breath.

Let’s rewind for a second. The DOJ’s battle against Google kicked off back in 2020, and the case is shaping up to be the most important antitrust suit since the 90s tussle with Microsoft. Yeah, remember them? Google’s tactics include those pesky contracts that secure its status as the default search engine on most devices, thereby keeping smaller rivals at bay.

The DOJ isn’t just asking kindly. It’s demanding Google stop paying for preferential treatment. Imagine becoming so popular that you have to literally pay people to keep using your product. Wait, what? That’s capitalism for you.

To add a sprinkle of irony, Google argues that its dominance comes from just providing the best search technology. But let’s face it, with nearly 90% market share, they’re more like a digital monopoly than a friendly neighborhood search engine. And, lest we forget, they still don’t have to ditch their AI investments, those are apparently safe from the DOJ’s claws for now.

And if you thought plenty of talk about divesting was enough, Google has its rebuttal ready, hinting it would adjust its contracts to allow for different default search engines. How generous! But seriously, is it impressive that they’re willing to share their cake while still hogging the biggest slice?

Google’s stance on this whole ordeal is classic, paint the DOJ’s proposals as radical and potentially harmful to America’s economy and national security. As if the rich and powerful don’t have enough clout already.

With everything on the table, we can expect this situation to simmer for a while. The first shots in this ongoing saga are set for court in April. Google has vowed to challenge any decisions made, because who doesn’t love a good legal battle when it’s at the taxpayers’ expense?