Ah, the glorious world of tech billionaires, where the only thing thicker than their wallets is their drama. Welcome to the newest installment of ‘As the Algorithm Turns,’ featuring everyone’s favorite iron man, Elon Musk, throwing a tantrum as Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI, takes the spotlight with a jaw-dropping $500 billion AI investment. Because nothing says ‘I’m rich and powerful’ quite like spooling out the cash to build data centers that may or may not eventually take over the world—or at least your Netflix algorithm.

In what can only be described as a Hollywood-worthy announcement, Altman gathered a gaggle of tech moguls, including Larry Ellison and SoftBank’s Masayoshi Son, to break the news of the Stargate project. Sounds super sci-fi, right? The plan is to drop $500 billion over four years into building AI infrastructure in the good ol’ U.S. of A. But don’t worry, they’re ‘not’ begging for taxpayer dollars—yet. So go on and keep your wallets handy because the moment these folks hit a rough patch, that change jar is going to see some serious action.

What does this investment mean in plain English? Well, some folks claim it includes creating ‘hundreds of thousands’ of jobs—conveniently overlooking the part where AI might just eliminate a bunch of existing jobs, thank you very much. Meanwhile, Musk’s own AI venture, Grok, sits in the corner sulking, likely because it wasn’t invited to this billionaire bonanza. It’s like showing up at your ex’s wedding and realizing you’re the only one not wearing a tux.

Elon, ever the gracious guest, was quick to take his complaints to Twitter, claiming, ‘SoftBank has well under $10B secured. I have that on good authority.’ Translation: ‘I’m jealous and my project isn’t as cool as theirs!’ Because nothing says ‘I’m totally fine’ like resorting to passive-aggressive tweets.

And while Sam dons his new role as Trump’s buddy—because that’s what every millennial dreams of—regardless of the implications of their cozying up, Trump has given AI a pass from all those pesky regulations that were meant to keep society safe from deepfake demons and overpriced rent algorithms. The ensuing chaos of unrestricted AI development will surely make us all nostalgic for the days when our biggest worry was TikTok dancing challenges.

So, while Altman and Friends prep a treasure chest full of investment plans, we can only hope for one outcome: that the robots they build will at least be smart enough to solve climate change. Or, you know, maybe stop making us feel like our deepest secrets are being stored in a data center powered by the sweat and tears of every worker they plan to replace. But hey, at least we’ll have some wildly entertaining Twitter feuds to follow as the world spins further off its axis—all from the comfort of our overpriced avocado toast. Cheers to that!