Karl the Clairvoyant Fog is your celestial guide through the hazy unknown, navigating the mystical currents of the Bay Area’s cosmic energy. Buckle up, cosmic comrades - today’s forecast is about to get weird(er than our local tech startup pitches).

🐐 Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

🔮 Forecast: Listen up, mountain goat. The universe is basically telling you to stop overthinking and start doing. That startup idea you’ve been nursing? It’s time to climb out of your spreadsheet cave and actually pitch it. Mercury’s alignment suggests your networking skills are about to get a serious boost - so dust off that LinkedIn and prepare for some cosmic connections.

💋 Sex: ☁️☁️☁️ (Flirty but cautious - you’re more likely to swipe right than make a bold move)
😎 Vibe: ☁️☁️☁️☁️ (Confidence is your superpower today - work that professional swagger)
💼 Hustle: ☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️ (Career mode: ACTIVATED. Your productivity is about to be legendary)

💧 Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

🔮 Forecast: Water bearer, the cosmic WiFi is strong in your sector. Your innovative ideas are about to get some serious airtime. Whether it’s a passion project or that eco-friendly tech concept you’ve been brewing, today’s the day to share it with the world. Just maybe avoid mansplaining your brilliant plan.

💋 Sex: ☁️☁️☁️☁️ (Experimental and intriguing - you’re giving serious sapiosexual energy)
😎 Vibe: ☁️☁️☁️☁️ (Quirky and unapologetic - your weird is your brand)
💼 Hustle: ☁️☁️☁️ (Creative energy high, but execution might need a caffeine boost)

🐟 Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

🔮 Forecast: Dreamy Pisces, the universe is basically giving you a cosmic spa day. Your emotional intelligence is off the charts, which means you’re about to navigate workplace drama like a zen master. That empathy? It’s not just a soft skill - it’s your secret weapon.

💋 Sex: ☁️☁️☁️☁️ (Deeply romantic and intuitive - you’re reading emotional subtexts like a book)
😎 Vibe: ☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️ (Emotional resilience is your superpower today)
💼 Hustle: ☁️☁️ (Creative flow is strong, but practical execution needs some work)

🐏 Aries (March 21 - April 19)

🔮 Forecast: Fire sign, you’re basically a human rocket today. Your impulsive energy is perfectly aligned with taking risks - but maybe run your ideas by a friend first? That startup pivot you’re considering? It might just work, or it might be another Silicon Valley cautionary tale.

💋 Sex: ☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️ (Bold, direct, and absolutely unfiltered - buckle up)
😎 Vibe: ☁️☁️☁️☁️ (Confidence levels: astronomical)
💼 Hustle: ☁️☁️☁️☁️ (Your ambition is about to light some serious professional fires)

[… continues with remaining zodiac signs]

Cosmic travelers, remember: the universe has a sense of humor, and today, you’re its punchline. Stay weird, stay woke, and most importantly, stay caffeinated.

Fog out, Karl 🌫️