Tech’s naughtiest platform is throwing its hat into the online safety ring, and it’s not what you’d expect.

Pornhub, the website your parents definitely don’t want to hear about, is now lobbying Apple, Google, and Microsoft to implement device-based age verification. In a plot twist that sounds like a Black Mirror episode, the adult content platform argues that current site-based age checks are about as effective as a paper umbrella in a hurricane.

The Privacy Paradox

The company claims that forcing users to upload personal IDs creates massive privacy risks. Their solution? A universal age verification system built directly into devices, ensuring only verified adults can access certain content. It’s like a digital bouncer checking IDs before letting you into the internet’s VIP section.

The Traffic Trauma

Their motivation isn’t purely altruistic. States with strict age verification laws have decimated Pornhub’s traffic, with Louisiana and UK markets seeing an 80% drop in viewership. The platform argues that overly restrictive laws aren’t protecting minors, they’re just pushing users toward less regulated, potentially more dangerous websites.

The Bigger Picture

This isn’t just about adult content. With new child protection laws spreading like wildfire across gaming, social media, and digital platforms, we’re witnessing a massive shift in how the internet manages user access. Big Tech might just be forced to become the internet’s responsible babysitter, whether they like it or not.