Musk strutted onto Capitol Hill recently, much like the world’s richest child in a candy store, craving fiscal cuts like they were the latest tech gadgets. Republicans, eager to play nice with their billionaire buddy, gathered over fried catfish to discuss how to turn Musk’s dreams of slashing the budget into legislative reality.

Let’s unpack this soirée of financial machinations. When the Uber-rich catch wind of a potential tool for budget rescissions, a fancy way of saying: ‘Let’s cut more funding’, you know we’re in a dystopian melodrama where common sense takes a backseat. Apparently, they explained over lunch how billions of dollars in savings could be packaged neatly and sent to Congress, a little financial buffet for the GOP lawmakers who misplace billions daily.

According to Senator Lindsey Graham (the cheerful cheerleader of this cutathon), Musk was practically giddy. “He was so happy,” Graham said, as though cutting funding for critical services is the highlight of a party. Meanwhile, the Trump administration is desperately trying to seem like budget austerity isn’t just a fancy term for mass layoffs and chaos.

Do they seriously think this looks good? Instead of recognizing the human toll of cutting federal jobs, they’re touting potential savings while tens of thousands of federal workers are anxiously watching their livelihoods evaporate.

Senator Rand Paul chimed in, affectionately dubbing Musk’s efforts a crusade against government waste. Sure, less waste is great, if you’re not the one facing unemployment because of it. Meanwhile, the budget hawks are plotting ways to chop off critical funding to essential services, just to appease their billionaire benefactor.

It’s a fair bet that while Musk is busy playing legislature’s buddy, there are countless workers faced with an uncertain future. Hiring a rescission package? That’s like dressing up a poorly thought-out idea in a tuxedo and calling it fancy.

And let’s remember, the reality of these cuts wasn’t even at the table. As they enjoyed their lunch, the ghost of federal employee layoffs hovered eerily. But hey, less federal workers means more room for corporate oligarchs, right?

In this twisted tale of budget cuts mixed with a side of disdain for public service, it’s crystal clear: Washington has elected to prioritize profits over people, all while pretending it’s what’s best for ‘the economy’. Spoiler alert: It’s not.

Will this new budget rescission plan see the light of day? Or will it be tossed into the “nope” pile along with the countless other policies that prioritize the wealthy over everyone else? Stay tuned, folks, it’s bound to be a tumultuous ride.

Oh, and the fried catfish? Probably the only thing being served without a side of cutbacks that day.