The San Francisco 49ers are about to embark on a wild quarterback rollercoaster that might just make fans want to scream into their artisanal kombucha.

With franchise QB Brock Purdy sidelined by a pesky turf toe injury, the team is turning to Mac Jones - a quarterback who’s basically the human equivalent of a participation trophy.

The Quarterback Carousel

Jones, previously known for his underwhelming performances with the New England Patriots and Jacksonville Jaguars, is now the Bay Area’s unlikely playoff hopes personified. His track record? About as impressive as a tech startup’s first funding round that never quite takes off.

Injury Roulette

The 49ers are dealing with a comedy of errors that would make Silicon Valley startup founders cringe. Kicker Jake Moody got the boot, George Kittle’s on injured reserve, and Christian McCaffrey is nursing a calf injury that he swears is “totally fine” (translation: definitely not fine).

The Shanahan Factor

Coach Kyle Shanahan, known for his strategic genius and ability to turn quarterbacks into either legends or cautionary tales, now faces his ultimate challenge. Can he transform Mac Jones from meh to magnificent? The Bay Area is holding its breath - and stocking up on wine.

Buckle in, 49ers fans. This season just got more unpredictable than San Francisco’s housing market.