In the land of sunshine and palm trees, seven Chilean men have carpooled their way into a world of trouble, snagging charges in Florida federal court for a string of audacious burglaries targeting professional athletes. Spoiler alert: they didn’t pick the average Joe as their victims; we’re talking Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce level famous – like, probably too famous for their green juices to handle.

The FBI’s criminal complaint is a riveting page-turner, illuminating the burglar behavior of a group that dyed in the wool targets, pro athletes, presumably because they’re often out living their best lives while a Carole Baskin-level crew decides to raid their homes. Among the swag snatched was an impressive $2 million worth of watches, jewelry, and cash, not to mention a groundbreaking safe that they managed to crack. Did they use a crowbar or simply wave a wand? We may never know.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering who these so-called thieves are, let’s meet the Fab Seven: Pablo Zuniga Cartes, 24; Ignacio Zuniga Cartes, 20; Bastian Jimenez Freraut, 27; and a few others who either sound too cool to care or just really, really like crime. While the men have been dubbed Chilean, the FBI has been mum on whether they have the citizenship credentials to run amok in the land where dreams are made (kidding, we know they don’t).

Initial arrests happened in Ohio after a ‘whoops’ traffic stop led to them allegedly breaking into Joe Burrow’s humble abode. It’s a little hard to be stealthy when you’ve got a car full of stolen loot and your GPS is screaming at you to turn left, you know?

The plot thickens. Evidence piling up includes cellphone records and surveillance footage - basically the digital footprints of a burglary ring that lacked the elegance of stealing with finesse. Sure, they broke in with basic tools, but they fancied taking selfies with the loot. Who says crime doesn’t pay? Time to make that Instagram account, boys!

And while Bobby Portis, a player from the Milwaukee Bucks, expressed a mix of relief and anger on hearing about these arrests, we can’t help but think: Who steals from someone who works so hard for their stuff? All the sweat that goes into practice just to come home to an empty space is indeed disheartening. While robbers rejoice in their moment of glory, they clearly don’t understand who they’re messing with. Buckle up, kids; the crime reality show just aired its premiere episode.