Josh Allen just took the phrase “money is the quarterback’s best friend” to a whole new level. Our beloved NFL MVP has secured a jaw-dropping six-year contract with the Buffalo Bills, worth a staggering $330 million. Yes, you read that right, this is NFL history we’re talking about, folks!

For those keeping score at home, that breaks down to an eye-watering $250 million guaranteed. That’s right, the previous record held by Deshaun Watson is officially toast. While we’re over here debating whether to splurge on oat milk or stick to the trusty old almond milk, Josh is cashing in big-time!

Let’s not be shy about the math: Allen’s new average salary of over $60 million per season is a leap from the cozy $43 million he was set to earn on his previous deal, which had another four years of 140 million still left on the table. This isn’t just a pay raise; it’s an almost incomprehensible inflation of football dollars. With stats that include 3,731 passing yards, 28 touchdowns, and just six interceptions during his MVP season, we can’t really argue he doesn’t deserve it. But don’t worry, we’re still rolling our eyes over here, just like you.

It’s worth noting that during this historic contract negotiation, the Bills decided to overlook four more years of his existing contract. Priorities, right? How lovely for him to have a job security that a normal Bay Area millennial can only dream of while living in a shoebox-sized apartment.

Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, why does our society continue to pour money into sports like it’s water for a thirsty plant, while other critical areas like education and healthcare are left to wither? Sure, being a quarterback feels a bit like being a glorified medieval knight, but can we redirect the energy and funds to something a little more sustainable? Something like, I don’t know, affordable housing?

As fans, we love the excitement and intensity that comes with moments like these. But as socially conscious beings, one can’t help but wonder: is this the future we want? If only those in power would throw around money like this for solutions to real-world problems.

Congrats, Josh Allen. We hope you find a way to use your platform to make the world just a little less absurd. Until then, the rich keep getting richer while the rest of us negotiate rent. What a time to be alive!