San Francisco Bay Area baseball fans, gather 'round for a tale of epic proportions that’ll make your tech startup pivot look like child’s play.

Shohei Ohtani, the two-way superstar who’s basically the Silicon Valley unicorn of baseball, just experienced a startup-level failure that would make even the most seasoned venture capitalist wince. In a wild showdown at Angel Stadium, Ohtani’s Dodgers got absolutely demolished in a game that was more dramatic than a Series A funding round gone wrong.

The Pitch That Wasn’t

Ohtani, who’s basically the Elon Musk of baseball (minus the Twitter drama), stepped onto the mound against his former team with all the swagger of a tech bro launching a new app. He fanned Mike Trout with a 101 mph fastball that could’ve powered a small data center, but ultimately couldn’t save his team from total annihilation.

The Numbers Don’t Lie

The Dodgers’ performance was more catastrophic than a cryptocurrency crash. They’ve gone from leading their division by nine games to plummeting faster than WeWork’s valuation. Ohtani’s personal stats? A mixed bag of brilliance and brutal reality - seven strikeouts, a triple, but ultimately part of a losing team.

The Aftermath

In true startup spirit, Ohtani remained optimistic. “We’re doing everything in our power… to right the ship,” he said, channeling every pitch deck recovery strategy known to humanity. Spoiler alert: sometimes, even unicorns have bad days.

The Dodgers’ loss isn’t just a game - it’s a metaphor for the razor-thin line between genius and disaster. Just like in the tech world, baseball can be brutally unforgiving.