Forget everything you thought you knew about baseball - Shohei Ohtani is here to rewrite the rulebook, and he’s doing it with absolute swagger.

The Man, The Myth, The Absolute Legend

On a scorching 90-degree Wednesday, Ohtani wasn’t just playing baseball, he was basically performing magic. In a single game, he smashed his 1,000th career hit and struck out eight batters, proving once again that he’s not just a player, he’s a whole entire sport.

Breaking Records Like They’re Cheap Sunglasses

His 39th homer wasn’t just a hit - it was a 440-foot center field missile that scored teammate Alex Call and snapped a nine-game home run drought. The St. Louis Cardinals might still have won the game 5-3, but let’s be real: Ohtani won the day.

Beyond The Stats

This isn’t just about numbers. Ohtani joined baseball legends Ichiro Suzuki and Hideki Matsui as the third Japanese-born player to hit this milestone. And he did it while recovering from elbow surgery, because apparently superhuman feats are just another Tuesday for him.

Dodgers manager Dave Roberts can barely contain his awe, calling Ohtani “physically talented” and “disciplined” - which is baseball speak for “this dude is absolutely unreal”.