Baseball fans in the Bay Area are witnessing a hilarious disaster unfolding at Oracle Park, where the Giants’ offense has gone from “Go-Go” to “No-No” faster than a startup’s stock price crash.

The team’s hitting performance is so bad, it’s making tech bros who strike out on dating apps look successful by comparison. Willy Adames, who signed a whopping $182 million contract, is batting like he’s playing with a pool noodle instead of a baseball bat. In their recent 11-game slump, he managed a pathetic .105 batting average - something that would get you laughed out of a little league tournament.

When Power Meets Powerless

Let’s talk about the bright spots - because there are so few, they’re practically microscopic. Heliot Ramos continues to shine, proving he didn’t get the memo about the team-wide hitting hibernation. Jung Hoo Lee has become Oracle Park’s newest entertainment, making fans forget about their offensive woes for brief, glorious moments.

The Pitching Silver Lining

If there’s one thing keeping Giants fans from total despair, it’s the pitching. The rotation is solid, and the bullpen is spectacular - basically carrying the team like a parent carrying an exhausted toddler after a long day.

Potential Saviors?

The front office is exploring options, with potential call-ups like Jerar Encarnación and discussions about Marco Luciano’s positioning. But let’s be real - these aren’t miracle workers, they’re more like baseball’s version of a startup pivot.

Buster Posey, now in the front office, remains cool as a cucumber. His strategy? Patience and faith in the current roster. Because sometimes in baseball, as in tech, you just need to believe your next sprint will be the breakthrough.