San Francisco tech bros have a new way to convince you they’re not robots, and it might just be the most dystopian solution yet.

World Networks, the brainchild of OpenAI’s Sam Altman, has landed in Union Square with a storefront that looks like an Apple Store mated with a sci-fi movie set. Their grand plan? Scanning your eyeballs to prove you’re human in our rapidly AI-infiltrating world.

The Orb of Questionable Consent

Imagine walking past Macy’s and being invited to get your iris scanned by a spherical device that looks like it was designed by a conspiracy theorist’s fever dream. That’s exactly what World Networks is offering. Their “Orb Mini” devices are ready to verify your human status faster than you can say “Black Mirror episode”.

More Than Just Weird Tech

Beyond the creepy scanning, World Networks is playing a multi-dimensional game. They’re partnering with Visa for a debit card and Match (aka Tinder’s parent company) for user verification. Because nothing says “I’m human” like a credit card and a dating profile, right?

Privacy Concerns Enter the Chat

But wait, there’s more drama. Previous tests in developing countries have raised serious ethical red flags. An MIT analysis pointed out they’ve been targeting low-income populations, and there have already been reports of hackers stealing employee passwords and accessing biometric data.

Sam Altman claims this is all about preparing for an AI-dominated future where we need to distinguish human-created content. But let’s be real: it sounds like another techbro solution looking for a problem.

Will San Franciscans line up to get their eyeballs scanned? Only time will tell. But one thing’s certain: the future of human verification just got a whole lot weirder.