Donald Trump is back in the news, this time not with a reality show but with executive orders that promise to shake up economic relations and your grocery bill. Fresh off his vacation in Palm Beach, he’s making waves with a wave of tariffs aimed squarely at Canada, Mexico, and China. You know, countries that are usually better at hockey and tacos than trade disputes.

The former president’s tariffs come at a time when the U.S. economy is already feeling the heat from inflation. But hey, who needs a stable economy when we can have a ‘national emergency’ over illegal immigration and fentanyl? Trump’s tantrum against our friendly neighbors is supposed to combat everything from drug smuggling to, well, making America great again, all while slapping a 25% surcharge on imports. So, guess who’s really taking the hit here? Spoiler: it’s all of us.

Here’s the lowdown on how this tariff train wreck works. First off, there’s the International Emergency Economic Powers Act just chilling in the background, allowing the president to announce an economic emergency like it’s a new iPhone release. Yes, it’s been around since 1977 and has been invoked for everything from hostages to nuclear threats. But now it’s cozying up with agriculture and retail.

With these new tariffs, Canadians can expect a hefty 25% tax on their exports to the U.S. And Mexico won’t be far behind with their own 25% tax. China, always on Trump’s radar, gets slapped with a 10% fee. Trump says these tariffs will target drug lords and stop fentanyl in its tracks. But let’s be honest, local consumers are the ones who will feel the real sting as prices soar.

Now, before you grab your pitchforks, you should know that the U.S. government insists foreigners pay these taxes, sure, if you consider your neighbor’s store foreign. In reality, it’s more akin to a fancy domestic tax hike masquerading as an economic strategy.

Of course, these tariffs are bound to provoke some retaliation from the countries involved. Canada and Mexico aren’t about to sit quietly while they get slapped upside the head with taxes. They’re already cooking up some counter-tariffs of their own, further fueling this never-ending trade drama.

To top it all off, there’s this quirky legal jargon called “de minimus,” which used to mean you could import small-ticket items without being taxed. Say goodbye to cheap online shopping, as that no longer holds for imports from these three nations. So your perfectly priced dress from abroad? You can add more to that price tag now.

In a nutshell, as Trump continues to wield his executive powers like a medieval king throwing taxes around, we’re left trying to dodge the fallout. Let’s just hope our wallets can handle the economic slapshot headed our way.