In a plot twist that screams “we’re too rich for rules,” Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez have reportedly already tied the knot before their extravagant Venice spectacle. Sources claim the Amazon founder and his media personality bride legally married in the United States over a month ago, turning their lavish Italian celebration into essentially an uber-expensive photo op.

The Pre-Wedding Tea

While Venice locals are probably rolling their eyes harder than a startup pivot, the couple seems unbothered by traditional wedding protocols. Their guest list reads like a who’s who of celebrity wealth: Oprah, Kim Kardashian, and even Ivanka Trump are reportedly joining this billionaire bash.

Money Can’t Buy Love (But It Can Buy a Massive Wedding)

Interestingly, their Venice ceremony won’t technically be a legal wedding under Italian law. The couple apparently signed a prenup protecting Bezos’s mind-boggling $244 billion fortune, because nothing says romance like a meticulously crafted financial safety net.

The Billionaire Wedding Trend

Bezos and Sanchez aren’t alone in this destination wedding trend. Many wealthy couples now legally marry in their home country before staging an epic international celebration. It’s basically a flex that screams, “We can afford to have TWO weddings”.

Critics argue this spectacle represents a new era of billionaire excess - where subtlety is dead and “swaggy and braggy” reign supreme. Welcome to the oligarch wedding of the decade, where love meets capitalism in a gondola-filled extravaganza.