The Golden State Warriors just experienced a soul-crushing defeat that has Bay Area fans clutching their artisanal coffee in despair.

In a game that felt more like a nightmare than a playoff matchup, the Warriors were brutally dismantled by the Minnesota Timberwolves with a humiliating 117-93 score. The series is now tied 1-1, and the absence of Stephen Curry is hitting harder than a vegan’s guilt trip at a barbecue.

The Curry-Less Conundrum

Without their superstar nursing a hamstring injury, the Warriors looked about as coordinated as a tech startup’s first team-building retreat. Jonathan Kuminga tried valiantly, scoring a team-high 18 points, but it was like bringing a kombucha to a whiskey fight.

Draymond’s Drama

In true Draymond Green fashion, he managed to add some spice to the already painful evening by picking up his fifth technical foul. His heated exchange with the referee was more dramatic than a Mission District brunch argument, with Curry literally trying to calm him down at the scorer’s table.

Minnesota’s Domination

The Timberwolves didn’t just win; they obliterated the Warriors’ playoff hopes. Julius Randle dropped 24 points, and Anthony Edwards - who briefly left with an ankle injury - came back to contribute 20 points. Their 3-point shooting was so precise, it made Silicon Valley’s algorithms look amateur.

Game 3 is set for Saturday at 5:30 p.m. PT, and Warriors fans are desperately hoping for a miraculous turnaround. Spoiler alert: miracles are in short supply these days.