Well, well, well… looks like another tech fantasy just went poof in the Bay Area. The Battery, that ultra-exclusive San Francisco club where tech moguls sip artisanal cocktails, has dramatically abandoned its grand plans to expand into Oakland.

Tech entrepreneurs Michael and Xochi Birch, who apparently buy buildings like most people buy lattes, purchased a stunning 40,000-square-foot historic property in Oakland’s Adams Point neighborhood back in 2021. Their lofty goal? To “ignite positive change” and “inspire further investments”. Spoiler alert: that didn’t quite pan out.

A Million-Dollar Real Estate Oopsie

The Birches, who reportedly bought the property sight unseen while chilling in the British Virgin Islands, paid a cool $9.8 million for a building that once housed the Bellevue Club and Women’s Athletic Club. The property is no shabby investment - we’re talking 18 guest rooms, an indoor pool, a gym, and a dining room with 20-foot ceilings.

The Membership Club That Couldn’t

Thomas Kennedy, the membership director for their $2,800-a-year club, delivered the corporate equivalent of a breakup text: “It’s a beautiful property… but after spending real time with it we realized it wasn’t the right fit”. Translation? This wasn’t the Oakland dream they were looking for.

What’s Next?

The Birches originally dreamed of Battery outposts across Silicon Valley, Marin, Sonoma, and Napa. For now, they remain firmly planted in San Francisco, with this Oakland adventure becoming just another tech tale of what could have been.

Stay tuned, Oakland - something tells us this won’t be the last grand tech plan to grace (and potentially fail in) your city.